The Way

Shutting my eyes the piano plays the background music in my mind. I walk the streets, but they have changed, the people are moving in all different directions. I continue in the same direction, the same path, but as I turn the page the next looks nothing like the last, which differs from the very first. Ever since I met You I was changed my life took on a direction. So tonight I am thankful, so very thankful for You.

Goddaughter

Seven months ago I sat at a table with you for the first time, I couldn't see but you were there, Seven hours ago I saw you for the first time when you entered this world weighing seven pounds and some odd ounces. Eyes clinched shut you searched for a voice, so I let my voice find you. Arms flaying you aimlessly grasped, so I let you cling onto my finger. You are so beautiful, so uniquely perfect.

A Refresher

Its been a long time since I sat in the quietness. It is only now that I am allowing my true senses a chance to take over. The pen glides across the paper as the words flow from thought, shadows reach across the tile floor as a ray of sunlight seeps in. My toes are kept warm by my long haired companion, who lays asleep on the floor. Where has it gone, what has it been used for. I ask this about time, about life.

The Best Feeling

I must pursue. My mind races sending a signal to my heart which begins to beat faster. I pursue, I will go, I am excited about the adventure that lies ahead of me. You have broken the chains, You have unleashed this wild heart, this heart that yearns for meaning, for adventure, that has a desire that can only be quenched by You and You alone. 

Forever Changed

I was taken to Haiti to learn not what I thought I might learn or how I thought I might learn it. When a young orphan takes your hand and smiles, when they stay by your side the whole day walking barefooted next to you never once complaining only looking into your eyes with complete trust, complete happiness. This is where Love can be found this is what Love looks like, to be without and be complete to not have yet have so much more. These are God's children. I will not leave you here, I will slumber no longer. I have been awakened to your design. You have molded me to whom I am in all my uniqueness. I rise to your call to your purpose.

Fairwell

I hope out of bed to say the morning goodbyes, a handshake followed by a hug. A few words of encouragement and then they are off. Not many words may have been spoken this week, but a bond most won't understand was formed. For this I am thankful. 

More than an Orphan

I have to duck to enter the small chained door which leads down the narrow hallway opening to where I find you. You approach me wide eyes wearing an oversized shirt causing your shoulder to hang out. You reach out and grasp my hand, your whole hand fits into my palm. You grab a hold of my leg until I lift you into my arms, your head rests against my shoulder and in that moment I wonder what you are thinking. Everything else becomes background, but the moment you and I share.

The Mountain Experience

What once stood so far away, now towers over us. The terrain is never the same and the path is not always clear, but our drive remains constant. With arms extended we are able to pass through the ravine. Foreign eyes glance us looks but are always followed with a smile and hello. What has become our adventure is their life. The thick grass that once covered the mountains base, has now turned to stone and gravel. Fighting for our footing we ascend one after the other. The walk turns into a run, we are so close. My body freezes I am there, I am free. Maker of this mountain please continue to show me the way. 

Conversation

It often comes without warning, sometimes from people you least expect it from, an old man on a bus, a college student in the kitchen, a friend on a hike. When a heart is opened, a person becomes vulnerable and truth can be revealed. You speak in many ways and I am just being to understand. 

A Mornings Encouragement

I sit perfectly still, eyes closed. The wind rushes down the mountain passing through my half awakened body. This in combination with the birds song, lets me know the day has begun, and as I open my eyes fully for the first time, the bright glow peering through the vast clouds reassures me of your presence. 

Day Continued

As one part of the day ends the next begins. Covered in dirt I am handed a bucket, one after another, until the roof is covered. I am encouraged by my brothers work, next to me, all around me, It fuels me to continue, to not let my tired body give into its urge to rest. 

A Day Anointed

Awakened by the mountain I rise, stiffened from the restless sleep the night before. I prepare my heart for the day, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I walk down the small corridor and enter the small room where the table lies in its center. The only air that enters comes from the small cracked window in the corner. I am handed a small yellow slip as the first patient enters. Peering into each of their eyes I begin to get a sense of their struggle, their hardship , the life that has hardened their exterior. As my translator interprets I realize these people are no different then us, in the end we are just people. 

Service

Under the large tin roof I sit, as these foreign words echo, my eyes focus on the words overhead. Their familiarity take me back to the first time, my first encounter, a time when things were different, a time when my life was different. When I mistook my desires for Gods, when all I wanted was you as a wife, to raise a family together. Now I find myself in a land where the simplest needs aren't met, where the basic amenities I have grown accustomed to can not be found. It is here, it is now that I am seeing your desires for my life.

Arrival

With light brush strokes the white of the clouds are painted. Flying high above, my restless eyes gaze into the vastness of the sea. As we descend across the mist I begin to see the rugged terrain, far different from what I've grown accustomed to, shanties piled high on top of magnificant mountains. How my soul yearns to ascend those mountains. We land, I am here, The voice next to me says, "Welcome to Haiti", my journey continues. 

How Big You Are

I try and fit You in this box. I give You these parameters so that You may fit my lifestyle. You are so so much more, You succeed all my expectations You are far bigger then anything I could ever fathom, You could never fit into a box. You meet me where I am and encourage me to go further, You guide me by the hand when I am to weak, You mend my heart when it feels burdened. You give me hope that if its right for her return You will provide it. In You I trust, in You I love, in You I live. 

The Endless Battle Inside the Mind

As I write these words I wonder where you are now. I lay here and think, it should be you here next to me, it should be your arms wrapped around me. A year has passed since we have parted. "Its a shame it had to be this way, Its not enough to say I am sorry. Maybe I am to blame or maybe we're  the same, but either way I can't breathe. All I had to say is goodbye, we are better off this way" and never again shall I hear from you, never again shall I hear your voice. After a year "I am still alive but I am losing my drive, because everything we have been through and everything about you seemed to be a lie, a guiltless twisted lie. It made me learn to hate you, or hate myself for letting it pass by." Why did it have to be this way, why couldn't you have just left with me that day, then maybe these nightmares might finally go away, Why couldn't you have just trusted in us and forever know 

I Love You.

Born For You

It is easy to think about today as just another day, oh how easy it is for me to get caught up with myself, my life, my story. Life is brief and sometimes even shorter then expected. Life was never about me, my life won't last forever, it will eventually come to an end, and when it does what will I have accomplished? I am but an extra in this movie, I was born to tell you I Love you and now I am torn to do what I have to. I am tired, so homesick now for someone I never knew, for some place I've never been, a place where we won't be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again. "I was born to tell you I Love you", and so let me point to you, let my life glorify you till I am brought back home. 

Pulled out of the Thorns

I sit still, very still, head in hands, face to the floor, deadened to you, cold to others. I have gone against you, I have hurt her, Why? Why have I separated myself from you, nothing I can do, nothing I can say will change this, helplessly I sit confused on what my next steps ought to be. Apart from you, apart from your direction I am nothing I am lost, I walk aimlessly, blindly. I slowly lift my head now thankful that you have pulled me out of these thorns. That you take away the pain, that you take away the guilt, that you have removed these thorns from my skin, the thorns, the lies, that want to destroy me. Now I get up and continue forward with my destiny.

A Mothers Day With The Father

I can't control it any longer my body wants to explode. I am back at the edge of the mountain over looking the endless landscape as the wind moves through me. You move through me. What now I ask? I am here, I am ready. Where shall I go, what will I do? In that instance the light peers through the branches that arch over me and answers, you are here, you are doing, you are with me. That was it all along, do you see now. You opened my eyes you captured my heart. There is nothing in this world as beautiful as you. You are the greatest Love that anyone could ever know. And with all I am, I am with you. 

Comfortable In Our Bondage

How can I describe what I can not always see. Drifting in and out of consciousness you visit me, your eyes creep open like a blooming flower, your lashes make up the long petals which I follow to their very end. In you I find comfort, a sense of hope. In you I rest comfortable in my bondage.