Moved by Compassion

You speak into my mind, touch my heart, and open my soul. You paint pictures by telling stories so that I may see that all along it was You. You were the painter, the author, the main character and the answer. You were the path, the father that felt compassion, the one who continually grieves for those that do not know. As a tear rolls down, I begin to understand, I begin to change, may this transformation continue to shape, that I may grieve the way you grieve for those whom are lost, that you desperately want found.

Christmas Past

Sitting on the back porch before all have awoke, I find peace in the coldness that ushers its way through the screen door. I find myself reflecting on where I was a year ago, who I was, and wondering if any changes have been made. As I take a sip the warmness moves down my throat and takes rest inside me. You say by standing firm you will gain life. I don't know for how long, but for now those words will permeate in my mind, hoping they will move their way into my heart, so the who I am now may be different from the who I am a year from now.

Stoplight Memories

Stopped at the light the cars pass by followed by the memories. The memories are the last of what I have of you, what I wish I could forget, but what I fear will never leave. What was once taken for granted is missed the most. What was once felt for you, you feel for someone else, and that someone else feels for yet another. The heart is confused and knows not where to turn, hurt in the past and fearful of the future, wanting to be loved and yet guarded so that it can't.

How Can You Feel Anymore

Sometimes when the moment is just right, I close my eyes and can see myself drifting away, separating from this body, The body that I've spent so much time maintaining, the body that I am never satisfied with. I can see my body like roots withering away and what is unleashed is something special, something real, something true. It's me. The me that never wanted to harm or hurt you, the me who wants nothing more to love and be loved.

Dark Wave

Wrapped up the softness of the beds suede comforter protects me from the coldness of the blowing fan. Darkness surrounds me, I envision myself at the bottom of the ocean after being taken under by a giant wave. I wrestle with what is reality and with what I want reality to be. I'm not sure I want to go back. Don't turn on the light, can't I just stay here a little longer.

Incomplete Thoughts From An Incomplete Man

I pick up this pen and the ink hits the paper, not because I have anything to write, but because I must write everything. As I look around I see the the steam rise over a vast field during a hot summer day, straight ahead I find a sunset spreading what's left of its rays across the vast ocean. And still surround by all this beauty I find myself wondering why I feel incomplete. Its not until I let go of myself that these mere pictures hanging on the walls can take on their true shape and meaning. It's not until I give up those wants that I can truly live.

Saturday Afternoon

My feet are tired, I have been wandering for a long time. A few years here, a couple more there, I have never seemed to find home. I sit down now reclined in this soft chair and run my fingers down its armrest as the music echos in the background. My senses are awakened as the aroma of freshly ground coffee escapes behind the counter and out the open door into the busy street, where the palm fronds wave back to me. Some people find beauty in music, some in perfectly painted landscapes, others in well constructed words, but me I find it in people. Not that I don't find beauty in all the above mentioned, cause I do. I just tend to agree with what lead me to spirituality. The desire to believe I was human and that by being human mattered.

Take Off

Take off, we rise. I slip my headphones in and I begin to drift away. The music begins to flow into my ears as my head nods in agreement to the words being sang. I smile when I think of You and how You loved me before I did anything, before I was. Not because of the way I make you feel, but because of who I am and who You are.

7 mile Sunday

The alarm goes off, I awake fatigued. The nights sleep was not sleep at all but a battle in the mind. Empty I awake, fullness is what I search for. I slip the shoes on, as each foot hits the pavement my mind wanders to ease the bodies pain. Where am I going? The path is familiar cause I have traveled it many times before. Sometimes with You sometimes without. Confused I think about last night and wonder what I gave up and what could have been. I have to keep running, faster, so I don't think about the past. As my feet stop moving you tap me on the arm and remind me why I am here, why I am doing what I do, and why I must continue on. Stay strong you say and I reply always.

Thankful

How I am thankful, so very thankful. For You have transformed me, you continually change me. You faithfully chip away hardened deposits of pain and remorse that surround this heart. Because of grace I am beginning to understand, I am able to forgive and be forgiven. You draw me closer to You, closer to understanding.