Honestly

The young children splash cheerfully in the water as they enjoy the evening in the pool with their parents and grandma. I can't help help but think this is where I ought to be. Only if I were strong enough, only if I were the man I wanted to be, The man I am.  A man that has accepted who he is and not what he hoped he was. Would we be living separate lives now, would you have continued to trust me, continued to respect me? I contemplate back and forth, blaming you and harboring anger, blaming myself and wondering what would have been. I want neither of these. I know I will survive and move on. But when, But when? Just as soon as the question enters my mind the answer meets my eyes, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, ad the wisdom to know the difference."